Dude Rules

“Yo, Xavier.” Said, Long. “We should call, Jack.”

Xavier almost crashed the car. “Fuck no.”

“Why not?” asked, Long. “We haven’t seen him in a long ass motherfuckingtime, dawg.”

“I said no.” Xavier said, increasing the speed of his car.

“Weren’t you guys like best friends?” Luke, in the back seat said, professionally rolling a joint. “You guys ain’t cool anymore?”

Xavier changed lanes, to a slower one. He knew the conversation was going to go somewhere where he shouldn’t be driving 80 miles per hour.

“Naw. They ain’t cool anymore.” Said, Long. “And it’s all because of a fucking chick.”

“What the fuck happened?” asked, Luke. “Hey guys, wana hit this?”

“Fuck yeah, motherfucker.” Long said, reached into the back seat, took the joint from, Luke, and puffed away.

They were on their way to Northridge. To kick some Europeans as for kicking their friend, Corn’s ass. Xavier didn’t want to, he wasn’t too much of a fighter anymore. He was 30 something already, had his fair share of fights and scraps, had enough of personal wars that lead to nothing but bruises and less friends. And he told, Corn they wouldn’t do it. But the Rules clearly state, this has to be done.

“So what happened?” asked, Luke, taking the joint from, Long and puffing away.

“I don’t want to talk about it, man.” Said, Xavier.

“I’ll tell you, bro.” Said, Long. “It has to do with a girl.”

“Oh, man. Doesn’t it always?” said, Luke, as if he knew anything of women. His virgin ass.

“You know that chick, Anna Lisa Kristina?” asked, Long.

“The one with the Jeep Wrangler?” asked, Luke.

“She used to have a Jeep Wrangler. Now she drives a Lexus.” corrected, Long.

“Was she the one who went to UCLA? For business or some shit like that?” asked, Luke.

“Shit, man, I dunno.” Said, Long. “Anyway, her and, Xavier her are best friends, right?”

“We were.” said, Xavier, trying to focus on the 18-wheeler in front of him.

“Oh yeah!” Luke reembered. “You guys were tight! always together and shit. Looked like you were a couple.”

“AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” cackled, Long. “Right? They did, right? Man, Xavier, I don’t know why you never tapped that ass! You fucking puss.”

“Shut the fuck up, man.” Xavier said.”We were friends. Friends don’t do that shit.”

“Fuck friends, bitch. I would’ve hit the fuck out of that!” yelled, Long.

“So what happened?” Asked, Luke. Passedthe joint to, Long.

Long took it, hit it, and passed it. “Well, Jack and, Xavier were tight, too. They grew up together. Have fucking sleepovers and shit when they were kids. Went to the same school, played the same sports, were in the same classes. They even went to the same college.”

“Uh huh.” said, Luke. “This is getting boring. Did they fight or what?”

“Yeah. Because that chick, Anna Lisa Kristina.” said, Long.

“It wasn’t just because of her.” said, Xavier.”There were other issues.”

“Like what, motherfucker?” said, Long. “Like he didn’t return your pants from high school? Or he didn’t want to talk to you about stupid computers? C’mon, dumb ass, you know it was about, Anna Lis Kristina.”

“So, what happened?” asked, Luke, for the fifteenth time.

“Right.” said, Long. “Well, Xavier here, no matter what the fucker says, he had the biggest hard-on for that girl. And then he tells her, she says ‘fuck off you bitch’, and then now, she’s kickin’ it with, Jack.”

“Oh man!” said, Luke.

“I know, right?” said, Long.

“That’s against the Rules!” said, Luke.

“That’s what I think, too.” said, Long.

“Look, you stupid idiots,” Xavier said. “It’s not against the rules. Technically, me and her were never boyfriend and girlfriend and even if we were, they’re just friends.”

“Man, it’s still against the Rules.” Long said. “That joint done?”

“Naw. Here.” Luke said, pasing the joint. “He’s right. Doesn’t matter. When a dude goes for a chick his dude friends likes, that a big ass no-no, man. C’mon, Xavier. You know the Rules.”

“Look, moron,” Xaiver said, getting angry. “We never went out. They aren’tgoing out. He isn’t going for her. It’s not against the Rues.”

“Jesus, man,” Said, Long, passing the joint back to, Luke. “Why you so mad? Why you defending his ass?”

“Because, you fucker, you’re talking about the Rules and you got it all wrong.” snapped, Xavier.”These Rules are stupid anyway. It’s a lot more fucking complicated than you dumb asses can perceive.”

“What’s ‘perceive’”? Asked, Luke.

“AHAHAHAHA! You dumb ass!” screamed, Long. “That’s, like when you see something. What a fucking dumb ass.”

“It ‘s stupid. The whole thing is stupid. We shouldn’t even be driving to this guy’s house.” Said Xavier. “For what? So we can kick his ass? Corn didn’t even want us to do that for him. He wanted us to squash this shit. And yet, here we are, driving to some guy’s house to kick his ass? For what? What’s the point of all this?” He had about enough.

“Dude.” Said, Luke from the back seat. “It’s the Rules.”

“Yeah, motherfucker. It’s the Rules.” said, Long. “And you’re fucking with my high.”

Xavier sighed. “I swear, god damn it, if this motherfucking European knows some sort of German martial art, and we get our asses handed to us, when I get out o the hospital, I’m gona kick both of your asses.”

He exited the 118, Tampa, and made a left. On their way to follow the Rules.