Anna Lisa Kristina

I wouldn’t fuck with her. She’s got a hell of a mouth and a big, fat, chip on her shoulder. She’s intelligent, educated, independent, and physicaly fit. She doesn’t need a single person to make her better and she damn well makes sure everyone within earshot knows it. Not because she’s one of those pissed off women that want retribution for thousands of years of gender compartmenting, but because she got a kick out of seeing dudes shrink right before her very eyes. She also had a very sophisticated sense of humor.

“So this fucking asshole says to me,” She begins, “‘What, are you, chicken! Quack quack!’”

“Quack quack?” He double checks.

“Yes. The moron said ‘quack quack.’” She daintily picks up her cup of coffee and sips it. “I nearly peed my pants.”

“What an idiot.” He says. He calls for the waiter to ask for the check.

“I’m not done, Jack.” She says noticing his gestures. “And it’s my turn to pay.”

“Jesus, Kris, we go through this every single time.” Jack says, pulling out his wallet. “First off, I have to go. I got to get back to work. And secondly, can’t I just be some sort of gentleman and pay for the meals?”

“It’s not about being a gentleman, Jack.” She snickers to herself. “That was funny wasn’t it?”

“I get it. Gentleman Jack. Hardy har.” He smiles.

“Being a gentleman has nothing to do with it.” She says. “Frankly, and I hope your male ego can take this, but I just make more money than you.”

“That hurt.” He says, shrinking.

“Well, it’s true.” She says, taking one last bite of her Chinese Chicken Salad. “I don’t like this dressing.”

“But it’s not like I can’t afford this meal.” He says, taking out his credit card. “I can pay for this.”

“You know I love you, right?” She says, putting her hand on his hand that holds the credit card. “And I would do anything for you. I would even let you pay for this. If not for one thing.”

Her hands are soft. Makes hime feel comfortable.

“What’s that?” He asks, half smiling.

She looks at him with those eyes that can stop a train. Can calm down earthquakes. That can feed the hungry, cure cancer, and banish evil from the world. And then her beautiful lips curl into a smile.

“Because my birthday is coming up.” She winks. “And I want you to buy me that red handbag.” Her hand slides his credit card out of his hand and into her purse. She takes out her own, and as the waiter arrives, hands it to him. “Excuse me,” She says to the waiter. “I just wanted to let you know the dressing was a little too tart for Chinese Chicken Salad. I’ve been coming her for years and it has never tasted so sour. I’ve enjoyed your restaurant every single time I’ve come in. The service is excellent, you personally, are one of my favorites. But, for future reference, I just wanted you to let the chef know the salad was a little too tart. Thank you.” And then immediately turns her attention back to, Jack.

Jack looks at the waiter, who stands there a little stunned. Jack shrugs.

“You know, the red handbag at that one thrift store on the corner of your street?” She smiles.

“That big, shiny one?”

“Yes! I love that purse! It would go so well with this one dress I bought a month ago. Perfect accessory!”

“And you’re telling me to buy it?”

“For my birthday! Yes!”

“How can you tell someone to buy you something for your birthday? Isn’t the whole point of presents to surprise the person with something you know they would like?”

“Well, I would be surprised if you got it for me. It’s a thousand dollars.”

“Jesus Christ! A thousand dollars?!?!? And you want me to buy it?!?!?”

“Well, that’s why I should start paying from now on.” She winks and smiles. “C’mon now. You’re going to be late for work.” She gets up, walks to the maitre d’ and begins talking to him, most likely, about the salad dressing.

He has to laugh to himself. Anna Lisa Kristina. She is a baby angel wrapped in a razor-bladed hurricane. She always gets what she wants. Always. He just has to smile. And then he frowns.

He thinks to himself, ‘How the heck am I going to buy a thousand dollar handbag?’